Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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