My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
