And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
