saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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