i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
