remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
