Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
