I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
