Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
