Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just gift wrapped bread.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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