Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
