Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
