you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
