Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
