so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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