Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just invented taco cereal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I did not marry a roomba.
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