Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
