very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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