I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
