so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
