this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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