Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
