cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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