Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
