just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
