farters have to be the big spoon...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
