it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
