That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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