I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
