Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
