We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
