He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
