I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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