You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
