He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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