The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
