I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
