I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
