If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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