So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
