dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have post one night stand depression
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
