I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
