Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
