Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
