he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
