I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
