She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
