I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
