i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
