so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
