I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
