WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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